Have you ever felt like the energy in your body, positive or negative, is so pent up that soon you may explode into a billion tiny pieces like a violent volcano? I sure have, more often than not actually since the loss of my baby in 2015. There is nothing in the world that can fill the void left behind in our souls after baby loss. I carry it everyday and so do countless other women like me. How do you attempt to heal the raw edges of that hole and what do we do with all that residual energy that our body creates during a four-nine month pregnancy that ends in lifelessness? Do people realize the amount of energy a women creates and carries with her during the creation of a living human being? What happens when that life producing energy and newly beating heart dies out silently inside of you? Where does that spiritual energy go? I don't have all the answers and I surely don't intend to sort it all out for you. All I know is that this was me last year.
What is Reiki?
Reiki is a form of alternative medicine developed in 1922 by Japanese Buddhist Mikao Usui. Since originating in Japan, Reiki has been adapted into varying cultural traditions across the world. Reiki practitioners use a technique called palm healing or hands-on healing through which a "universal energy" is allegedly transferred through the palms of the practitioner to the patient in order to encourage emotional or physical healing.1
Why did I choose Reiki?
Growing up I was blessed to have a holistic medical practitioner as a father. He now lives on a few acres of land, in an off-grid home, designed & built by himself along with my ten half siblings, in the middle of New Mexico. I love him to pieces and he has always been a great spiritual support in my life. Often he would have apprentices staying in our home when I was a child. One of which was a sort of Japanophile who first introduced me to Reiki. Then during my years at university I took an anthropology course called Death & Dying. Who would take such a class you wonder?? Well, being an Anthro major, it was one of the few classes I could take that would also apply as a biological sciences credit. Our professor was much into NDE's (near death experiences) as well as hand energy healing or Reiki. I was also raised a certain Christian denomination which is not shy about dscussing spiritual forces in our world and has a well developed natural healing ministry. All of these things combined gave me the background support that I needed to seek healing in Reiki.
What happened during my session?
I researched online for Reiki healers in my area. Some were a bit too hippy-ish for me, other sites looked a bit too 90's, then there was Kelly. Her site looked professional, she was super close to where I live, and she looked like the girl next door (no strange face piercings or tattoos). I got a good vibe from her about me page so, after praying over it, I booked a session. Her home was her studio and I was super nervous not knowing really what to expect or if I was doing the right thing (I had religious convictions). I decided not to tell her exactly why I needed healing since talking to strangers about my loss is not my thing. In vague terms I explained that the last six-twelve months had been the hardest and most stressful months of my life. She asked no questions and very nicely asked me to lay palms up on her massage table with a warm blanket over me. I did as she asked and closed my eyes. She softly narrated her actions as she turned on relaxing music and lit a candle. She would now place her hands over my head. At this time she expressed that I should call upon my guardian force, spiritual force or whatever power source I identified with to manifest and pour their healing energy into her hands. This bit scared me to the core. I was not prepared for the question but immediately I knew exactly who I wanted to call upon.
Tears, sobbing tears, rolled down my cheeks as Kelly warmly pressed her hands on my head and softly reassured me that tears or a deep emotional release are common during Reiki. As her palms hovered and pressed over me and my emotions calmly regained control, the light under my eyelids burned a peaceful purple shade until her palms reached my central and pelvic area. I vaguely remember her saying that she could sense an energy knot in this particular area. Meaning that energy was not flowing as it naturally should. She asked if she could use her pendulum to confirm a knot. I left my eyes closed tightly and answered yes. I knew not what she did but I knew she was right. Suddenly I felt my pelvic area sink down into the table like some sort of mighty tension had just been released.
I felt a weightlessness of body and the light under my lids now burned a bright warm white. I remember this vividly and thinking that the sun must have stood right over the skylight in the ceiling above.
I no longer felt her hands on me. Time seemed to have sped up and images started passing through my mind. I was transported back to the hospital bed where I held my baby in my arms. Except it didn't feel like a memory. The detail and fidelity of these images were unlike I had ever seen since that special day a year ago. My memory had faded due to a cocktail of pain meds and the ardous passing of time. This felt different. This felt as close to real as I had ever experienced before.
I basked in the little details of togetherness with my baby for the moment and then it was over. The session had ended. What seemed like fifteen minutes in my mind, had actually been a total of sixty.
Kelly softly called me back to reality. Almost whispering she said "take your time". I lay there weightless until I could open my eyes. The first thing that struck me was the absence of bright sunlight over the skylight. In fact it was quite dark in the room and the sun was setting. Where did all that bright warm light come from? I think I knew the answer.
What happened after my session?
I wobbled off the bed and had a drink of water. We consulted and I asked her to retell what her experience was. She went on to say that my throat chakra, buddhist concept for expressive communication, was wide open. No energy knot there, she said and also expressed that generally people don't have open throat Chakras like me. A Sagittarius thing maybe? Then she got to the area where she used her pendulum, my central and pelvic area. She cautiously explained that I had a deep rooted knot and when she hovered the pendulum over it, the instrument was swinging out of control. She manually showed me by imitating the swing. She said she rarely sees an area so severely blocked. Casually she told me she had to perform psychic surgery to successfully cut the cord. I had no idea what that meant but the words "cutting" and "cord" hit way too close to home. I started to cry. Was this the sinking feeling I experienced on the table? She had no idea how literal her words were, they cut deep and my emotions crept up again. I had to enlighten her about my sillborn baby and once I did she also broke into pieces. I was caught off guard. She cried
Your words just gave me chills down my spine and I know exactly how you feel. I had two stillbirths and I miss my babies too. This was part of the reason why I became a reiki healer.
Needles to say I also had chills running through my spine after that revelation. I knew then I had done the right thing by coming to Kelly. I knew HE had lead me there. I also knew I would be back. Have you considered Reiki healing after baby loss? You may want to now. Linked up on Grace & Truth + Tuesday Talk.
HELLO. I've reimagined my life to focus less on outward signaling and more on being present in life, enjoying family and nurturing the spirit. Join me as I live, love, learn & heal!