Have you ever felt like the energy in your body, positive or negative, is so pent up that soon you may explode into a billion tiny pieces like a violent volcano? I sure have, more often than not actually since the loss of my baby in 2015. There is nothing in the world that can fill the void left behind in our souls after baby loss. I carry it everyday and so do countless other women like me. How do you attempt to heal the raw edges of that hole and what do we do with all that residual energy that our body creates during a four-nine month pregnancy that ends in lifelessness? Do people realize the amount of energy a women creates and carries with her during the creation of a living human being? What happens when that life producing energy and newly beating heart dies out silently inside of you? Where does that spiritual energy go? I don't have all the answers and I surely don't intend to sort it all out for you. All I know is that this was me last year.

What is Reiki?

Reiki is a form of alternative medicine developed in 1922 by Japanese Buddhist Mikao Usui. Since originating in Japan, Reiki has been adapted into varying cultural traditions across the world. Reiki practitioners use a technique called palm healing or hands-on healing through which a "universal energy" is allegedly transferred through the palms of the practitioner to the patient in order to encourage emotional or physical healing.

What happened during my session?

I researched online for Reiki healers in my area. Some were a bit too hippy-ish for me, other sites looked a bit too 90's, then there was Kelly. Her site looked professional, she was super close to where I live, and she looked like the girl next door (no strange face piercings or tattoos). I got a good vibe from her about me page so, after praying over it, I booked a session. Her home was her studio and I was super nervous not knowing really what to expect or if I was doing the right thing (I had religious convictions). I decided not to tell her exactly why I needed healing since talking to strangers about my loss is not my thing. In vague terms I explained that the last six-twelve months had been the hardest and most stressful months of my life. She asked no questions and very nicely asked me to lay palms up on her massage table with a warm blanket over me. I did as she asked and closed my eyes. She softly narrated her actions as she turned on relaxing music and lit a candle. She would now place her hands over my head. At this time she expressed that I should call upon my guardian force, spiritual force or whatever power source I identified with to manifest and pour their healing energy into her hands. This bit scared me to the core. I was not prepared for the question but immediately I knew exactly who I wanted to call upon.

The only spiritual healer my conscience could call on was Elohim, Adonai, Prince of Peace, King of Kings and Lord of Lords. My Wonderful Counselor.

Tears, sobbing tears, rolled down my cheeks as Kelly warmly pressed her hands on my head and softly reassured me that tears or a deep emotional release are common during Reiki. As her palms hovered and pressed over me and my emotions calmly regained control, the light under my eyelids burned a peaceful purple shade until her palms reached my central and pelvic area. I vaguely remember her saying that she could sense an energy knot in this particular area. Meaning that energy was not flowing as it naturally should. She asked if she could use her pendulum to confirm a knot. I left my eyes closed tightly and answered yes. I knew not what she did but I knew she was right. Suddenly I felt my pelvic area sink down into the table like some sort of mighty tension had just been released.

I felt a weightlessness of body and the light under my lids now burned a bright warm white. I remember this vividly and thinking that the sun must have stood right over the skylight in the ceiling above.

I no longer felt her hands on me. Time seemed to have sped up and images started passing through my mind. I was transported back to the hospital bed where I held my baby in my arms. Except it didn't feel like a memory. The detail and fidelity of these images were unlike I had ever seen since that special day a year ago. My memory had faded due to a cocktail of pain meds and the ardous passing of time. This felt different. This felt as close to real as I had ever experienced before.

I basked in the little details of togetherness with my baby for the moment and then it was over. The session had ended. What seemed like fifteen minutes in my mind, had actually been a total of sixty.

Kelly softly called me back to reality. Almost whispering she said "take your time". I lay there weightless until I could open my eyes. The first thing that struck me was the absence of bright sunlight over the skylight. In fact it was quite dark in the room and the sun was setting. Where did all that bright warm light come from? I think I knew the answer.

What happened after my session?

I wobbled off the bed and had a drink of water. We consulted and I asked her to retell what her experience was. She went on to say that my throat chakra, buddhist concept for expressive communication, was wide open. No energy knot there, she said and also expressed that generally people don't have open throat Chakras like me. A Sagittarius thing maybe? Then she got to the area where she used her pendulum, my central and pelvic area. She cautiously explained that I had a deep rooted knot and when she hovered the pendulum over it, the instrument was swinging out of control. She manually showed me by imitating the swing. She said she rarely sees an area so severely blocked. Casually she told me she had to perform psychic surgery to successfully cut the cord. I had no idea what that meant but the words "cutting" and "cord" hit way too close to home. I started to cry. Was this the sinking feeling I experienced on the table? She had no idea how literal her words were, they cut deep and my emotions crept up again. I had to enlighten her about my sillborn baby and once I did she also broke into pieces. I was caught off guard. She cried

Your words just gave me chills down my spine and I know exactly how you feel. I had two stillbirths and I miss my babies too. This was part of the reason why I became a reiki healer.

Needles to say I also had chills running through my spine after that revelation. Have you considered Reiki healing after baby loss? You may want to now.

Update: Before my first session, I had certain religious hesitations about Reiki. I tried to do my research and after scouring the word and other sources, I was unable to find a definitive prohibition of Reiki. Although I believe it is possible to invoke our Heavenly Father's power during a session as I undoubtedly did, Reiki is a form of energy channeling that can also come from other power sources. The bible is clear about what powers and principalities we as his children should stay clear of. All power within this earthly realm can be derived from two sources, Holy or unholy, Sacred or profane, Good or evil, Yahweh or lucifer. Since my session I have continued my research and have opted not to continue with Reiki.

One thing I failed to mention in my original post was that my very nice Reiki healer recommended a medium to me. She considered herself a Christian Catholic and also firmly believed that our babies are 'still with us'. She informed me that she was aware of her gift of 'seeing spirits' from a very young age. She offered to teach me how to talk to my baby and highly encouraged me to seek her medium as she believed that these visits were what healed her. I thanked her, however the word is very clear about one thing.

There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering, anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. (Deuteronomy 18:10-12)

Secondly, the word teaches us that the dead know nothing Psalm 6:5 Ecclesiastes 9:10 Psalm 115:17. The dead are not immediately sent to heaven or hell, unless noted (Enoch, Elijah, Moses & Jesus). The dead lay in a restful state of concious sleep until the time of judgement when all the dead will rise from the grave and account for themselves before the Lord. Which means they are not 'talking' to us or 'watching down' on us from anywhere. One must wonder then, who is? You be the judge.

If you would like to learn more about what the bible has to say about death or about pagan worship of the dead, I recommend the following readings and bible inspiration below.

Dr. Alexander Bolotnikov: Life, Death + Ressurection Series

Truth abouth death according to scripture

King Saul Consults a Medium

Ancient + Modern Sorcery

Can Our Dead Speak To Us?

Sending healing wishes to all,

Lizette