I know we're in March now but bear with me guys. I've been falling a bit behind on my gratitude posts because well I have a terrible case of mommy brain! It's been incredibly hard to concentrate and stay on track since our little rainbow baby began cooking. We are now 10 wks along and taking it easy after coming off of bed rest recently. So much to be thankful for!
Big Boy, First Born
On February first, our first born came into this world and this year he turned a big whopping 5! I honestly don't know where time went and it feels like just yesterday he was barely three and we were heading to the bahamas together. These last two years have been incredibly slow in terms of healing after loss, but they have also flown by so quick in other areas. My sweet child is now a big handsome boy who dresses himself, can read and write and loves to sing. This child made me a mother and everyday helps me grow into a better person. He taught me how to be less selfish and how to place other people's needs above my own. It is through motherhood that we learn to place our needs second and our wants third or fourth. It is often through parenthood that we realize the worst in our characters and try to become better for them. So I am grateful to my big boy for this and I'm grateful to the one who gave us this miracle baby in the first place. Because ALL babies are miracles.
If you read my last post, you know I was placed on bed rest after my frist scan at barely five weeks into my first trimester. Of course it was scary and discouraging and I am eternally grateful for being able to get off the couch again. But I am also thankful for the time I passed in bed rest. Here's why (hear me out). Bed rest helped me take a giant chill pill. I may only be a stay at home mom but that does not mean I do nothing all day. Up until being placed on bed rest I was literally hiking up North mountain 4-5 days a week, painting, blogging, being a mom, boxing twice a week, working on my journal projects, wife-ing, house chores, attending bible study once a week and church once a week. Woah! Bed rest stopped me in my tracks and forced me to focus one one thing, our baby embryo. Many other wonderful things came about from my bed rest experience too so I'm grateful for that time I had to check in with myself and realign my priorities.
The Master Healer + Creator
I was dignosed with a subchorionic hematoma(SCH) right after I found out I was pregnant. This is the reason I was placed on bed rest. An SCH is a serious complication and can cause spontaneous abortion or placental abruption. Presenting with an SCH before six weeks gestation (I was diagnosed at 5 weeks) is an even worse prognosis. A large hematoma relative to the embryo's sac is also correlated with a higher chance of adverse pregnancy outcome. I had all of those things going on and zero symptoms. To make matters worse, at every weekly scan the hematoma kept growing with the baby instead of shrinking! The nurse told us it was caused by my heparin injections. Not taking heparing wasn't really an option for me bc of my clotting disorder so all I could do was rest and wait for the hematoma to resolve and shrink. We prayed for healing. I mean we prayed, our family prayed, our bible study friends prayed, my friends prayed. In Jesus name we all preayed. We continued to be hopeful and faithful despite our circumstances. By the third week scan my giant hematoma had almost completely disolved! By the fourth week, I was able to get off the couch. Amen. Praise YHWH our master healer + creator!
Attitude of Gratitude is my way of sharing what I'm currently grateful for and the things that have aided me in my own personal practice of Stoic Christianity. These two things have played a large role in my path to healing and spiritual recovery after baby loss. Each month I will do my best to post the top three things that I am currently grateful for.
HELLO. I've reimagined my life to focus less on outward signaling and more on being present in life, enjoying family and nurturing the spirit. Join me as I live, love, learn & heal!