In May we took a much needed trip abroad to the Alps (can't wait to post all about it). It was a nice hiatus from work and life stress, but it wasn't really a break from my TTC regiment. I found myself on an airplane giving myself shots! Ouch. Definitely not ideal. Welcome to my life!
Since my May Dr. appointment, I have been back twice and there has been absolutely no change in my TNF-alpha labs. After getting stung by a Bumble Bee, getting super tan from prescribed sunning, and a Vitamin D shot among other things, my TNF-alpha remains low. Again, good for inflammation but bad for baby making since low TNFa is correlated with infertility and miscarriage. Every two-three weeks I have been going back to the lab to see if there's been a change only to confirm that there hasn't been the slightest change. At my last visit with the Dr. he made one last change to my plan.
TNF-Alpha Change Attempt #4
I got sent home with a new prescription for Oxytocin intramuscular injections. I have to do these twice a day for the next two weeks. Lucky for me, I will now be doing four shots a day. On the bright side, it's only for two weeks. I'm praying that it will kick my TNF-alpha levels in the right direction because I don't want to think about going longer than two weeks on four shots a day. Really really hoping for the best.
If it seems slow, wait for it, it will surely come
and will not delay - Habakkuk 2:3
Do I feel frustrated? Yes, I think anyone having to do four shots a day would feel frustrated. I also feel impatient, mostly because I'm a Sagittarius being placed in the worst position possible. In a place where I feel my options are being constrained. I also hate limbo. I always have. It's definitely difficult for me to be doing so much and not seeing any change or progression.
However, when I really think about it, I realize that this is not my time but God's time. He allowed me to find this Dr., he allowed me to find answers and I just need to trust that he will also reveal his will in his time and not my own.
I can't say that I'm even mentally ready to embark on pregnancy #3, so in the end I really don't mind all the waiting around. It's the inability to choose my course of progression that bothers me; that feeling of having your hands tied that get's me. Evenso, I will dwell in this discomfort and use it as an opportunity for personal growth.
Hoping for the best & taking one step at a time through this TTC After Loss journey. How do you deal with waiting?
HELLO. I've reimagined my life to focus less on outward signaling and more on being present in life, enjoying family and nurturing the spirit. Join me as I live, love, learn & heal!